{"id":4798,"date":"2017-09-07T20:30:25","date_gmt":"2017-09-07T20:30:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/movementformodernlife.com\/blog\/?p=4798"},"modified":"2017-09-17T19:20:52","modified_gmt":"2017-09-17T19:20:52","slug":"criticism","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/movementformodernlife.com\/blog\/criticism\/","title":{"rendered":"How do I handle my partner’s constant criticism? | CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP Q&A"},"content":{"rendered":"

Q: I\u2019m fed up of being constantly criticised by my husband.<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/h3>\n

Sometimes, he\u2019ll criticise me directly, like: \u201cYou didn\u2019t handle yourself very well with your mother, did you?\u201d Sometimes he\u2019s passive; he says \u201cWe never do anything fun anymore\u201d which I take to mean \u201cYou\u2019re not fun to be with\u201d or \u201cYou never make the effort to arrange fun dates\u201d.<\/p>\n

Other times it\u2019s just how he looks at me or his body language that feels critical \u2013 for example, when he sits opposite me at dinner with a disapproving look because he thinks I eat too fast.<\/p>\n

We have a strong marriage which I\u2019m committed to and I know he loves me very much but I\u2019m worried that this aspect of him will wear me down.<\/h3>\n

I\u2019m afraid that my self-esteem will be eroded by this constant criticism and I\u2019ll lose confidence in myself.<\/p>\n

Do you have any advice on how to stay strong and positive and keep my focus on what\u2019s going well in our marriage and not let his criticism get me down?<\/p>\n

A: Being on the receiving end of criticism certainly doesn\u2019t feel fun \u2013\u00a0but in life it\u2019s pretty hard to avoid, so it\u2019s wise to focus on how to handle it, both in your marriage and elsewhere.<\/h3>\n

I\u2019d start by challenging a couple of assumptions. Firstly, is his criticism really \u201cconstant\u201d? It\u2019s a convenient phrase but let\u2019s be accurate in how frequently these criticisms occur. Criticism isn\u2019t pleasant so we tend to inflate its impact \u2013\u00a0but if it\u2019s happening once or twice per day, it\u2019s more honest to say that the majority of the time your husband isn\u2019t criticising you.<\/p>\n

Pay attention to all the time you\u2019re together when there\u2019s no criticism; I\u2019m guessing there\u2019s a lot, otherwise it wouldn\u2019t feel like a strong marriage.<\/h3>\n

The second assumption to challenge is that he\u2019s being critical. Yes, he\u2019s making statements that you don\u2019t like to hear, but here are questions you can ask yourself when you hear him:<\/p>\n

Is he being accurate?<\/p>\n

Did I think this first?<\/p>\n

Do I agree with him?<\/p>\n

For example: \u201cWe don\u2019t do anything fun anymore\u201d \u2013\u00a0have you ever thought this?<\/p>\n

If so, rather than feeling criticised and shrinking in confidence, you can focus on the fact that he\u2019s sharing with you how he feels and empathise with him. \u201cYou know what, I\u2019ve thought the exact same thing. What do you suggest?\u201d<\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

DID you handle yourself well with your mother, or did you feel disappointed with how you showed up? We don\u2019t like people pointing out things we\u2019re struggling with or that we\u2019re disappointed about, but just as you wouldn\u2019t remove a mirror from your house when it shows you a blemish, you don\u2019t need to reject your husband and make him the enemy because he reflects the truth.<\/p>\n

Try this: \u201cYou\u2019re right, I didn\u2019t show up as the best version of myself with my mother. I got irritable and shut down. I\u2019ve got some ideas for how to be more patient next time \u2013\u00a0do you have any suggestions to add?\u201d<\/p>\n

Have YOU ever felt that you eat too fast? When you see his disapproval at the dining table, you can use that as a reminder to breathe, slow down and eat more mindfully. In this way, his disapproval can become a gift, not a punishment.<\/p>\n

Now, what about if he\u2019s not accurate, and you didn\u2019t think it first, and you don\u2019t agree? In this case, simply let him have his opinion and don\u2019t take it personally.<\/div>\n

If it\u2019s not accurate, then it has nothing to do with you.<\/h3>\n
It\u2019s his projection and you can compassionately leave it with him. While it\u2019s not fun to be criticised, it\u2019s even less fun to be a critical person. Love him as he carries this burden and keep your focus on showing up as the person you want to be.<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
\"\"<\/a>Corrina Gordon-Barnes is a relationship coach who helps us to love our loved ones better. Whether you want more connection with your partner, to be more patient with your child, or to deeply enjoy time spent with your parent or sibling, sign up for her\u00a0free 7-day relationship challenge here<\/a>.<\/div>\n
Send to Facebook<\/a><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Q: I\u2019m fed up of being constantly criticised by my husband. Sometimes, he\u2019ll criticise me directly, like: \u201cYou didn\u2019t handle yourself very well with your mother, did you?\u201d Sometimes he\u2019s passive; he says \u201cWe never do anything fun anymore\u201d which I take to mean \u201cYou\u2019re not fun to be with\u201d or \u201cYou never make the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":4916,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[927,707,878],"class_list":["post-4798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-articles","tag-conscious-relationships","tag-corrina-gordon-barnes","tag-relationship-advice"],"yoast_head":"\nHow do I handle my partner's constant criticism? | CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP Q&A - Movement for Modern Life Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/movementformodernlife.com\/blog\/criticism\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How do I handle my partner's constant criticism? | CONSCIOUS RELATIONSHIP Q&A - Movement for Modern Life Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Q: I\u2019m fed up of being constantly criticised by my husband. Sometimes, he\u2019ll criticise me directly, like: \u201cYou didn\u2019t handle yourself very well with your mother, did you?\u201d Sometimes he\u2019s passive; he says \u201cWe never do anything fun anymore\u201d which I take to mean \u201cYou\u2019re not fun to be with\u201d or \u201cYou never make the […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/movementformodernlife.com\/blog\/criticism\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Movement for Modern Life Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/movementformodernlife\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-09-07T20:30:25+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-09-17T19:20:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/movementformodernlife.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/08\/bridal-636018_960_720.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"960\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"508\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Kat\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Kat\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/movementformodernlife.com\\\/blog\\\/criticism\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/movementformodernlife.com\\\/blog\\\/criticism\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Kat\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/movementformodernlife.com\\\/blog\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/f202ec0ece8e3482795d4d682c112d6f\"},\"headline\":\"How do I handle my partner’s constant criticism? 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