Cressida Laywood | My MFML

Yoga student, Cressida Laywood shares how she discovered yoga and why MFML offers her the flexibility she needs after becoming disabled.

We love hearing directly from our movers about their experiences. We were delighted that Cressida Laywood wanted to share her story about how she discovered yoga and the impact that MFML has had on her life.

Meet Cressida Laywood

In October 2020, I joined Movement for Modern Life which has been an incredible experience and changed my life in a great way!

A Life Altering Event

I’ve had a bit of a rocky time over the years. Twenty eight years ago, aged 28, I had a brain haemorrhage and, as a consequence, a speech and language disability (aphasia) which changed my life completely. At the time, I was a healthy young woman but had the occasional headaches and earache.   I had been to the nurse that week and I was going to my GP the week after but, unfortunately it was too late. Apparently, I called the ambulance, 20 hours after having been sick in my house but I have no recollection of this. I was in a coma for 2 weeks, then I had three clips in my brain which saved my life. I was in hospital for 7 months.  

Coming to Terms with Aphasia

The medical professionals thought it was unlikely that I would be able to live independently again. I’m half paralysed and I couldn’t understand how to do the simplest tasks, like boiling a kettle or brushing my teeth. The most frightening thing was that I had aphasia. At that stage I had great difficulties in speaking, reading, writing, understanding other people and understanding numbers which was terrifying!!! I can laugh now about the irony because before my trauma, I had got two degrees in communication studies! After my degrees I’d worked in housing and homelessness organisations for seven years and I was chair of a local homelessness charity

With a lot of help particularly from my mum, I managed to return to my terrace property in Nottingham. At that time, I was having epileptic fits because of my brain operation and my mum was terrified that I would fall down the stairs  but thank goodness I didn’t!  

Building Back Slowly

Eighteen months later, I tried with great difficulty to talk to my speech and language therapist (SLT) because I felt incredibly isolated. I wanted to see other people in the same situation as I was. We contacted Speakability (a national charity for people with aphasia). With lots of help from the SLTs and the Voluntary Sector, I set up and ran (with a committee) Aphasia Nottingham for 12 years. I’m glad to say, it’s still going strong! We organised a range of activities and raised awareness for aphasia and its impact on daily life and wellbeing. We did talks locally, nationally and even internationally. 

Reaching rock bottom

I think though, I hadn’t grieved for the huge losses which I couldn’t do anything about. Unfortunately, my relationship with my partner was broken. I had also been a trustee of Connect, a national charity of people with aphasia but because of my aphasia, I found it so hard.

Since my trauma, I’ve got a lack of control and in difficult situations, like for example a meeting I can have suddenly outbursts of laugher which is called emotional lability which goes to the core of my being and I think I wanted to punish myself for what has happened to me. About 12 years ago, I was in a very dark place and I gained 3 stones and my mobility and my wellbeing was shattered. The last straw was when I couldn’t get off the floor of my flat and a neighbour had to ring the ambulance and I was so mortified. I had to go into a Neuro Unit for 3 weeks and I hated it so I decided I had to take control of the situation. 

Learning to Move Sustainably

About 6 years ago, I found a wonderful personal trainer called Cheryl who I shall thank for the rest of my life because, with a lot of coaxing from her eventually I got the courage to get up and down of the floor which is so liberating. Before my trauma, I hadn’t even thought about this process but now I certainly don’t take this for granted! I plan to be able to get up and down on the floor for the rest of my life. 

A friend kindly gave me a static bike and over the years, I’ve lost about 3 stone and I’ve done about 8 sponsored static bike rides for national and local charities, a sponsor swim for Aphasia Nottingham and the Robin Hood mini marathon (1.5 miles), very slowly walk with Cheryl and we got cheered at the end which was so emotional. I had done the Robin Hood half marathon, aged 21 but this time it was very special! I wanted to boost my confidence in myself which had be shattered and I also, in a very tiny way, wanted to thank some people who had believed in me. 

Discovering Yoga

Cheryl suggested that I should consider doing yoga, like she did. I wasn’t convinced particularly with my physical disabilities now but Cheryl introduced me to Jay Rossi in February 2016 and it slowly changed me in a fantastic way. Before the pandemic, Jay used to come to my flat, almost every week to do one to one sessions with me. Now with the pandemic, I do 5 zoom sessions a week with Jay and practice each day myself too.  

A few years ago, I was slowly reading in OM magazine an article written by Andrew McGonigle (Doctor Yogi) which I was really interested in so I wrote to Andrew but I didn’t expect him to reply but he did! I was very impressed and he’s inspired me such a lot. He had mentioned MFML, a couple of years ago to me but we both felt it might frustrate me because I couldn’t do all the poses. However, I think because of the pandemic this year and doing 5 sessions with Jay on Zoom each week, I talked to Andrew again and I joined MFML on 19 October 2020. 

Practicing with MFML

With Zoom, you can’t stop the recording and because of my physical disabilities,  I can take more time to get into and out of the poses. With MFML, I can just stop and get into a different pose for example, at my own pace or I might do more than the teacher does. I contacted Andrew to say how I was so enjoying the MFML videos which means I do more yoga because it’s more accessible to me.

Then I decided to write a bit about me and joining MFML in late November 2020 and how empowering it has been and I’m doing a range of yoga videos and increasing my knowledge and learning such a lot. I was so pleased after I wrote that Kat Farrants, the founder of MFML wrote a wonderful message back to me!  I’ve just been on the MFML online live retreat which I found so accessible and welcoming.

Connecting mind, body and wellbeing

Although I mentioned the yoga poses and having to adapt them because of my disabilities now, it’s really not about the poses but for me, getting my body, my mind and my wellbeing into such a different place now. I now have the tools, hopefully to have a very different live than I thought I would have done. I’ve got yoga which has changed my life and I shall practice adaptive yoga for the rest of my life. Now, 28 years after my brain haemorrhage and aphasia, given what happened to me, I feel very lucky. I’ve got an occupational pension and a lovely flat and I feel very grateful that yoga has played such a big part in this new life.

Kat kindly suggested that I write this blog and I feel honoured.  Because of my aphasia, it’s taken many hours to complete this blog and unfortunately I can’t express myself, like I used to do but I would like thank Rakhee and Kat for all your help getting this blog up for the movers!